Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
