So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
