broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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