but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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