oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
