first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
