I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
