i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
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The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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