how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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