i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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