My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
These tits shall not be calmed
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
