I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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