we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
