I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
