i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
my poor anus
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
