Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
