respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
