"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
