I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
