Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
