Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
