last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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