The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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