Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
