i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
