and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
