My sheets look like a crime scene.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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