yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
