thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
