Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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