i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
