You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
