im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He kissed a someone with a penis
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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