No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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