so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
