I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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