You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
