Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
