Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
