im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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