Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.

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(443): View more from Maryland

do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?

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(713): View more from Texas

woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.

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(631): View more from New York

So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

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(248): View more from Michigan

We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.

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(805): View more from California

Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.

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