This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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