so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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