I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
