Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
