handjob tips. give me some.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
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Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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