Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
