i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
