She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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