Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
