Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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