last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
