If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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