She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
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I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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