we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
