Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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