I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
