sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
