I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
