ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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