I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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