you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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