can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
