if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
