Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
