omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
