sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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