Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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