It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
