Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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