I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
vagina is talking i cant
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Randomize
