I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
