It's Friday. Sex?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
