Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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