Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
