I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize