Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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