I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
