Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
