So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
