oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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