He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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