Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
