The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
