She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have aggressive nipples.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
