make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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