i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
two words...techno handjob
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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