I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
