i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
