Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
