Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
