1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
