i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
