when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We had sex on a dog bed..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
