Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
